Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
