I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
whose parrot is this?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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