I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
