Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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