the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
