I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
