I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
