Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
