I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
