can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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