Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
