well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
