According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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