we have pet lesbian snakes
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Is it because I queefed?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize