I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
