WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize