Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
