While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
