I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
