woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
