I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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