You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
