5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You are a genius and a whore.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
