I can tuck mytits in my pants
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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