you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
