My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
