Non-Jews are for practice
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
