i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
