This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize