Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
