You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
