you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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