That's intense
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
