just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
