Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize