we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The Olympian is in my bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
