Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Green mimosas i think yes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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