I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
