After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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