brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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