Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
