While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
