Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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