nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
