The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
