Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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