for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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