i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
