I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
