I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
