I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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