i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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