hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they need to just BURY HIM!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
