I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
