the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
