So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
