fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
