We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
