Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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