Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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