I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
