Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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