oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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