Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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