Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
