There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
