I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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