I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
