Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
