I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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