i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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