I have demons in me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
