i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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