i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
