it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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